


The best joke

by Noomerif



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Dark Comedy, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Humor, Jokes, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:22:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24762292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noomerif/pseuds/Noomerif
Summary: You had something to do to pass your time, Alastor didn't. Guess who won?
Relationships: Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 149





	The best joke

The rain was pouring down outside the window, the thunder breaking the peaceful background noise from time to time.

News 666 had announced the arrival of a violent storm a few days earlier and warned the citizens to stay indoors (not that the arachnid host cared about the safety of other demons).

You lowered the book on your lap, your mind feeling cozy at the sound of the drops hitting your window. 

Sinking deeper into the pillows on your bed, you resumed your reading.

This has been one of the few activities that you could do indoor, but since you were living in a hotel with six other people which almost everyday were attacking each other like animals-...let's say that the moments of peace were very, very rare.

You didn't mind their company, they were all good friends, but sometimes you just needed to relax and let out all the stress you had inside.

Your finger glided slightly above the pages, your attention completely stolen by the thriller story that was slowly reaching its climax.

The sound of the rain was getting louder and louder, the wind creating a strange mix of sounds almost like.... static?

Wait... was it coming from inside?

You door bursted open.

A tall, smiling demon made his presence known, his red eyes scanned the room in search of your smaller form, "Here you are, darling! I've been searching for you for ages!"

Obviously.

Who else could it be other that the one person that could destroy your little bubble of quiet perfection.

Your attention was still on the book, your mouth moved almost on autopilot as you responded, "So you mean for five minutes?"

"Seven, to be exact, but long times indeed!" He said as he strolled across your room, reaching your bed.

"What do you want Al?"

He grinned as he let out a low chuckle, "You should know the answer by now: sheer, absolute, boredom! I've tried to entertain myself with the other members of the staff, but they're so dull! A real thorn in the side!" His hands extended in an exaggerated way.

"So you've been pestering them without success?" 

"Pretty much so"

"And ultimately decided to annoy me instead?"

"You catch up quickly! You still have a brilliant mind in that little head of yours!"  
He smiled widely as he leaned closer to the book.

Your eyes closed for a moment, a sigh escaping you before you resumed your reading.

His eye slightly twitched.

"You've bothered me since we were still up there, Alastor. Can't you find some other kind of entertainment this time?"

His eye twitched again, but you still wouldn't look at him.

And he didn't like it.

The flow of words in your mind was suddenly broken as the pages moved away from you.

You followed them, but soon came face to face with said demon, "Oh! I see you finally had the decency to look at me! Your eyes are as beautiful as ever, darling!"

"Wait, wait, wait NO!!! Alastor please give it back!!" With your cheeks turning red from his compliment, you jumped on your bed, extending as high as you could to reach for the book that he was now casually holding away from your reach.

He smirked at your smaller form, "Your attempts are futile, I've already made up my mind!"

You grabbed his shoulder trying to reach the book, but he was simply too tall for you.

Why did he have to be even taller down here?!

"I was getting to the best part!! The killer was about to strike his last victim and the police is tracking him down! Please let me at least end the chapter!!"

His smile widened even more, his other hand on his chin as he pretended to think, "Mmh, that might be an idea but-" with a swift movement the book vanished, "I need you now, Y/n"

Your hopes shattered as you saw your only ticket from a peaceful and quiet afternoon go to ashes.

You hit your forehead on his chest, your arms falling to your side. You could almost feel that shit-eating grin of his plastered on his face.

You backed away, falling back on the bed. 

With no energy in your movement, you grabbed one of your pillows, sinking your head in it. You inhaled deeply, storing as much air as your lungs could take.

You let out a scream of frustration. The sound was muffled, but he could still hear your words.

"I hate you so much when you act like this!!!"

He brought his hand over his chest in an over dramatic way, "Y/n, you deeply hurt me with your harsh words, I might drop dead from the pain!" 

With your face still in the pillow, you brought up your arms forward in an exasperated way, "We're already dead!!"

"See?! Your words are deadly!"

Fortunately, the small chuckle that escaped you was muffled once again by the pillow. You won't give him the satisfaction.

He leaned over, petting your head softly, "I'll give it back to you later, I promise. But for now I need the help of my lovely partner!"

There was no way for you to escape your fate, he was just too stubborn to change his mind.

You sighed heavily before looking up at him, "Ok Al, what do you want me to do?"

His expression brightened as he sat next to you on the bed, "Why don't you suggest something, my dear? You always come up with the best ideas!"

You took a moment to think about it. There weren't a lot of things that you could do inside, especially because he was always picky about most of them, "I don't know, wanna watch a movie?"

"I'm afraid that the picture show has nothing endearing to offer today"

You let out a small laugh, "Will you ever stop calling it that way?"

"What way?"

"Nothing, let me think of something else"

Your eyes scanned the room in search of inspiration, "I don't know, can't I just go back to my read-"

"No chanses"

You huffed loudly, sending daggers in his direction with your eyes.

The storm was getting worse outside, the wind blowing harder than before. 

What could you do? You could listen to music, but he would force you to dance with him. This was your day of relax and you'll stay lazy till the end of it.

"I can feel your brain starting to overheat by the intensity of your thinking, my dear"

You didn't realize that you were staring at him the whole time, your cheeks turned pink, "At least I'm trying to think about something, unlike you!"

"It still amazes me how cute you can be when you get flustered by the most innocent joke, my dear" he smiled at you, his eyes half lidded as he teased you.

"I am not- wait... what did you say?"

"I said that you are cute?" He seemed confused. It wasn't the first time that he had complimented you.

"N-not that! The other thing!" You hated how he could tease you without even trying.

He tapped his finger on his chin, "The fact that I was joking?" 

"That's it! We can tell some jokes to each other!"

His eyes lit up at the suggestion, "That's a brilliant idea! I knew that I could count on you, Y/n!" He said as he ruffled your hair with his bigger hand.

You patted the side of the bed next to you, "We could turn it into a game! The one that says the best joke and makes the other laugh wins"

Alastor sat next to you, looking down at your smaller form, "What is the prize for the winner?"

"I don't know, we can think about it later" you said as you turned your body towards him, "Who starts?"

He made a gesture with his hand, "Ladies first~"

You rolled your eyes, "Ok, mister poor excuse of a gentleman. Why do seagulls live by the sea?"

"I don't know, why?" He leant over a bit.

"Cause if they lived by the bay, they'd be bagels!"

He chuckled slightly, "Good one, but I'm sure you can do better than that. Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?"

You brought your legs closer to you, resting your head on your knees, "No, what about it?"

"The food is great but there's no atmosphere!" He let out his characteristic laugh, and you couldn't help but laugh with him.

"Ok, that was good, I'll give you that. Mmh, why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?"

He leant his head on the palm of his head, getting a bit closer to you, "I am not sure why I would want to know that, but do tell me"

"Because the "P" is silent!" You threw your hands into the air to exagerate the punchline, your smile widening in the process.

Alastor laughed with you. How could you be so cute whenever you got excited? He decided to stay silent about it, his smile changing into a gentle one. "What is red, juicy and round? A lemon disguised as a strawberry!"

Your eyes widened as you laughed harder than you thought at that. Alastor looked at you with an eyebrow raised, "Was it that funny?"

You waited for a minute, letting your fit die down before answering, "I'm sorry, I didn't think we were talking about you!"

He leaned over, one of his fingers under your chin, tilting your head in his direction, "Darling, that's just because I'm always in your mind~" his smirk widened a bit as he winked at you.

You pulled out your tongue at him, your cheeks flaring up. He did it again.

~~~

The two of you went on for a few hours, the jokes interrupted by some teasing lines from his part every now and then.

Unfortunately, neither of you were willing to lose.

"Y/n, though I love spending time with you, I don't think this little game will have a winner. Would you like to consider it a draw?" He finally said as he brought his hand towards you.

You looked at him, determination still in your eyes, "No, I'm sure I can win this! Give me just another chance!"

Alastor looked at you for a moment, that expression of yours was simply too adorable for him. He could almost feel his chest tighten. "Alright, I'll give you one last try" he said, lifting up one finger.

This was it, you had one last chance.

And you were going to drop the big bomb. 

You knew that this one would get to him.

You smiled sweetly at him, "What is yellow and turns red when you press a button?"

He looked at you, a finger on his chin as he pretended to think, "I don't know dear, what?"

"A chick in a blender"

Silence.

He looked at you with wide eyes, his mouth slightly agape.

Let's just say that you didn't think about that kind of reaction.

'Did I go too far? I mean, there are jokes far worse than that, right?' 

"Alastor?" You moved your hand before his eyes, but he was frozen. His wide, red eyes locked on you.

He stayed still for the longest moment. You were really starting to feel uneasy, until you saw his lip twitch. You tilted your head, waiting for any kind of reaction.

You almost had a heart attack when Alastor exploded into a boisterous laugh, his hands on his stomach as he tried to contain it.

He tried to talk, but his fit was too hard and everything that came out were strangled howls. 

You soon joined him.

It took him five minutes to regain his composure, "That was... quite unexpected" he said slowly with a small chuckle.

"I know that it's your kind of humor, I couldn't miss the opportunity"

He wiped away a tear of amusement, "I didn't laugh that hard for a long time, that was kind of refreshing" He straightened his position once more, looking down at you, "Anyways, I think that you've won this little competition. What would you like me to-"

"I want my book" You said, staring deeply at him.

His eyes widened slightly at your fast reflexes, but soon he started to smirk "And here I thought that you would ask for something different"

With a snap of his fingers, he made your book appear on the bed, right next to you, but he continued to talk.

"I thought you would ask for something more... endearing~"

He lowered himself towards you, his eyes half lidded and his grin wider than before.

Oh no.

You knew where this was going. 

And your red cheeks knew that too.

"Since we don't have much time to dedicate to ourselves, I imagined you would have liked something more like this~"

His hand was under your chin, keeping it in place as he lowered himself just above you.

He leaned over slowly. You could almost feel his lips on yours as you waited for the contact.

He exhaled a breath right above your lips, "Such a shame that you prefer a book instead of your lover~"

With that, he started moving away from you.

Your eyes widened, the disappointment clear on your expression. Even if you had to swallow your pride, you couldn't bear to be teased like that.

"Wait!"

He stopped, his red eyes staring into your soul, "Mmh?~"

The sudden attention made your throat go dry. He could make you so flustered by just one look.

"I... I want you to....." your voice turned into a whisper.

The hand on you chin moved on your cheek, his thumb stroking it slightly, "I didn't quite catch it, love. Would you mind repeating it?"

He knew he could make you melt with the simplest actions. And he was pressing all the right buttons to successfully turn you into a blushing mess.

"I changed my mind... I want you to... kiss me"

He chuckled, the sound making your insides squirm.

"As you wish, my dear Y/n", he said as his voice deepened.

Your lips finally connected. The kiss was firm, but sweet and slow. It was almost like your lips complemented each other.

After sometime, he pulled back, gazing at your flushed face, "Have I ever told you that I love this side of you?" He said teasingly.

You buried your face in his chest as it rumbled with chuckles, "I hate you so much right now"

"And I am entirely sure that you don't mean that"

The two of you stayed like that for a few more minutes, as Alastor petted your hair gently.

Much too sooner that you would have liked, he pulled away from you.

"As much as I'd love to stay here with you, I have a few issues that need my immediate attention" he took your hand in his, kissing it lightly, "But this evening you'll be the center of it, I promise."

You sighed slightly, you eyes averting from him, "I understand, don't overwork yourself please"

He smiled genuinely at you, "I'll try my best not to, my dear"

He got up and straightened his suit, heading towards the door. He tilted his head in your direction for a moment, "In the meantime you can read your book! See you later, Y/n!" And with that he closed the door.

Peace and quiet finally returned. 

Your cheeks were still hot by all the attention that you received. You hated the fact that he knew you so well.

You finally leaned back into your pillows, a sigh of relief escaping you as you extended toward your book.

But it wasn't there.

You turned your head, looking around, checking under your pillows, but it was nowhere to be found.

Something then clicked in your mind, and your head turned immediately towards the door.

"ALASTOR!!"

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So sorry if I vanished, but I just couldn't find inspiration and motivation to write.  
> Maybe I'll write something new in the next weeks, maybe I'll vanish for a month, who knows, the only thing I know is that I'll come back eventually.  
> Thank you for reading and see you soon (maybe)!


End file.
